singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize