Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
