omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
