she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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