we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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