New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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