My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
