She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
