i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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