i think my tv is drunk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
