Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
