She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
