fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize