she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
