I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
