found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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