May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
