just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
