come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
