I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
