1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
