you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
