Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize