Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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