She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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