he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
