Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just pynch a tree in the face
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize