His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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