I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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