Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
