I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
