If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Are my feet made of real feet?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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