This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
