I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
