no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
