no you cant smoke seaweed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
