It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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