if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
