God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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