Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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