Sponge bath it is.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
