I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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