508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
