There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
