That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
