I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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