Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
