god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
