I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I didn't shave. On purpose
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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