How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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