So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
