I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
