so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
