i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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