I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
