my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
