I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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