ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
