I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
