No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
