Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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