Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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