and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
