you guys were way drunker than both of me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
