We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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