I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize