just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
